You’re about to read something different from anything I’ve ever written.
My writing is a contemplation about one specific idea. It’s my space to think openly, without constraints. Today, I’ll be vulnerable. Sharing something personal about myself, instead of philosophizing on a topic.
Among my friends, I’m known for being indecisive about the little things.
Deciding whether to go to an event, or where to grab dinner. I can never seem to make a decision and follow through with it on the day of the activity.
“Arj, why are you so indecisive?“
Resolving my indecisiveness is a work in progress. For anyone else plagued by it, you know it’s not as simple as flipping a switch from on to off. I can assure you it comes from a good place. Let me explain.
See, we live in an era of abundance, not scarcity. The inability to make a decision stems from the abundance of good options:
Should I freelance, or work for a remote-first company?
Should I read The Network State, or The Boron Letters?
Do I want a teriyaki chicken bowl from China Café, or a spicy shawarma from Mamoun’s Falafel?
Each selection can lead to a favorable outcome. Money, fulfillment, a full stomach. It’s not enough to compare each option directly with the next. Perhaps I could introduce randomness into decision-making?
Next time I’m figuring out where to DoorDash from, let Siri flip a coin to decide.
And while that works for something stupid like dinner, I’d rather not leave the direction of my career up to chance. You want to be in the driver’s seat of your life. You want to make the optimal decision to put yourself in the absolute best position possible.
The problem is – sometimes, it’s not even possible to know what the best option is. Teriyaki chicken and a spicy shawarma sound equally satisfying right now. See the dilemma?!
The only way to decipher between your options is to have an unwavering idea of what you value in life.
What is your long-term goal?
What do you not care for, at all?
Literally sit down with a pen and paper and make a list.
“Begin with the end in mind.” —Stephen Covey
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
(Fun fact. I never read that book. But, I think he’s got a point.)
Things I care about:
Health
Wealth
Independent Thinking
Genuine friendship
Self-reliance
Responsibility
Discipline
Things I don’t care about:
Status games
Politics
Keeping up appearances
Leaving my future up to somebody else
Living for the camera
This list is a sample. I’ll iterate on it over time. But it’s already helping.
For example, I shouldn’t go work for someone who can fire me on a whim. I should spend the hours and effort to learn to program and become a better writer. Programming will allow me to rely on myself, and writing enables me to think for myself.
Spending my time and energy elsewhere is wasteful, if that’s the direction I want to go in.
No one can tell you what your values are. You must define them yourself.
I want to build a happy, fulfilled life, and I bet you do too. Save your list of priorities in a Word doc on your Desktop, and read them every week. Better yet, write them down in a notebook.
Remind yourself of these values by looking back at them every couple months. Revisit these priorities, just like you do with your annual comp. review at work. Once you realize YOU are the manager, you’ll take it seriously.
Turn your gaze inward. Indecisiveness comes from losing touch with what you want. You lose touch with what you want by placing others on a pedestal.
Do you not trust yourself?
Why I’m so damn indecisive